second_first | 011

Entry tags:

011 | Video

[Rei is standing on the roof. She turns the video on, then sets the camera down and walks away from it. Stopping at the edge of the roof, she stands still for a minute with the breeze ruffling her hair and her clothes.

Then she steps out into the air and is gone.]

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What kind of a test? [Although she wouldn't be able to say why, Elaine remains flying. Subconsciously, she still wants to be ready to catch Rei if she does jump off the roof.]

Using my AT Field. [She assumes that after that event, Elaine will know what she's referring to.]

[She does, although those memories are starting to slide away. Still, some things stand out.] Yes, but why... [She trails off. Maybe she was the reason for this.] Did I damage it?

No. It's hard to do. [In theory, Elaine probably could neutralize Rei's AT Field if she wanted to. But that would require destroying her psyche or body.]

The AT Field can be used in many ways. I should learn how.

That's good. [Finally content that this is a purely innocent test, Elaine settles down onto the roof.]

...Rei, I haven't apologized for the event yet. I'm sorry. [It's a bit of a topic change, but it's also directly related to her AT field. Elaine feels like she needs to talk about Instrumentality, especially with Rei.]

[Rei looks at her silently for a moment. She's not used to being apologized to by anyone but Shinji. After a minute, she nods.]

I understand.

[Although she's still not quite used to Rei's confusing answers, she takes that as a sign of forgiveness.] You've had a really difficult time.

No. [After a second, she realizes that might require clarification, and adds:] Following orders isn't difficult.

Maybe only because you've been doing that your whole life. [Oh boy is following orders dirfficult, especially for Elaine!]

[Admittedly, Rei's life hasn't been very long. And following orders gives her purpose in a way nothing else does.] It's what I know.

The evil you know, huh? [She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable, trying to remember what she knew during the event.] You've disobeyed orders before, haven't you? At least once.

Yes. [She had killed the angel rather than retreating.]

...Why?

Sometimes, it's worth it, right? I'd be scared if you've never disobeyed before. [She means that, too. It's not a rational thought, it's just an emotion: fear that she can't explain.]

I died. [As a result of disobeying an order. Of course, there had been times when she had acted without orders, but those had always been under similar circumstances: suicidal attempts to stop angels.]

Sometimes that's worth it too. [And now it's not a question.]

Yes. [The angel was defeated. Unit-00 can be rebuilt. Ayanami Rei can be replaced. All three of these things are what makes her death worth it, in Rei's mind. Or rather, they're things that make her death immaterial.]

[Elaine's satisfied by that answer, at least.]

Did you need help practicing?

[Rei considers. There is the chance that she could screw up and Elaine's presence would keep her from falling to her death. After a moment she nods, and moves closer to the edge of the roof.]

So... [Elaine follows, spreading her wings in anticipation.] What did you want me to do?

Catch me. [The "if I fall" is implied. If things go as planned, there won't be a need.

Without waiting for a response, she steps off of the roof. She doesn't fall far--maybe ten feet--before extending her AT Field. The motion isn't entirely smooth and she jerks to a stop in mid-air.]

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011 | Video

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